The Divine Comedy Forum Index The Divine Comedy

 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups     
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

The up side of my job / Monkey Man!
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12 ... 16, 17, 18  Next
 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    The Divine Comedy Forum Index -> General archive
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2003 6:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

unremarkable wrote:
Radio Five interview:

http://www.eccentrick.co.uk/uploads/radiofive.mp3

"Anything can happen in Tunbridge Wells"...

Wink


Thank you, thank you!!

Podules of badger cheese on their way to you.

The New York Times???
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>From: *******
>To: "Monkey Man"
>Subject: Re:
>Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 15:43:42 -0700 (PDT)

>
>Im sorry, I was very busy today. Didnt get a chance to
>check my email until now, on my WAP phone. Can we
>arrange another time? Tomorrow (Wed) will be easier.
>You can trust me, I have told noone! From ******.
>
>__________________________________


Hi,

I was a little disappointed not to find my bananas yesterday, so I thought you may have been a hoaxer.

Okay, I will accept that you simply didn't check your emails, but I need to be sure - I must know that you are who you say you are. Do you see?

Okay then, same thing again. 12:00 noon precisely; box; THREE bananas; same place; no questions asked.

This is your last offer. Leave my bananas, then we'll talk.

O
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
luvly horse



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 6209
Location: wondering what the hell she did wrong

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you guys

DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 8:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can I just thank ccc for this thread once again for providing me with the biggest belly laughs and stretched-face incredulity all day long.

And to think I told you to 'fess up to the hacks several pages back.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
luvly horse



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 6209
Location: wondering what the hell she did wrong

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 8:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah! shut it journo boy!!!!!


ps. what *does* a burst lorry laugh like?


Last edited by luvly horse on Wed May 14, 2003 9:00 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

luvly horse wrote:
yeah! shut it journo boy!!!!!


I know.

It's a damning reflection of my profession if a couple of dodgy emails and a letter can ripple worldwide.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 10:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

From: "Monkey Man"
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2003
To: "BBC Radio Wales"
Subject: Interview with Mary Harris



Greetings The Welsh,

I listened with interest last night to the interview Sian Pari Huws gave with Mary Harris from The Kent & Sussex Courier.

I was intrigued to note that Sian thought I may actually derive from Wales.

I was in fact born 8km from Abergavenny in the mysterious shadow of The Blorenge. Hence the reason I wear orange.

Have you tasted the power of The Blorenge? And did you know that if you stand upon the clogwyn and look north from the Blorenge trig point you can see the Sugar Loaf Mynydd?

One day I shall return.

Regards,

O




From : "Mary Harris"
To : "Monkey Man
Subject : RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 10:24:15 +0100



You even had to get in on my Welsh deal, didn't you!

They've sent me your email. Borenge - my god, couldn't you come up with something better.

I thought you said you didn't like publicity. Mmmmmm about as much as I don't, I'd say. Anyway the games up - O2 the phone company are trying to cash in - which is tedious - but then again you, with your all-seeing eye probably know that.

My editor said to draw media interviews to a close. So, I suggest
you just let me know who you are. And, by the way, it's been great doing
business with ya. Mary-not-Lois-anymore-Harris. X
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 10:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boo hoo - but I think she's toying with you - don't reveal your true ID.

Any bananas by the way?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No I'm not going to tell her. We've got the camera set up for the midday 'nana heist and I'll plop 'em up later for your eyes to see.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
luvly horse



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 6209
Location: wondering what the hell she did wrong

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

not in a good mood today is she?

/me suspects Marys on the blob
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 10:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

luvly horse wrote:
not in a good mood today is she?

/me suspects Marys on the blob


Quick O, nip round with some chocolate!

EDIT: For some reason I felt my previous version of the above was unpleasant and I had an attack of concience.- weird.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Geordie



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 1677
Location: The Toon

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tick tock........Yes, we have no bananas?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The mystery man dropped off our bananas! Teehee, I'm just going to upload them and black him out and they'll be duly plopped.

-----Original Message-----
From: "Monkey Man"
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 11:49 AM
To: "Mary Harris"
Subject: RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***



Mary,

Oh Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Oh Mary.

It's not "Borenge", it's "Blorenge" you chump! Everyone knows that.

Now now you naughty little sausage, you know I cannot divulge my inner
podules quite yet. I must go now, I'm being fed ripe bananas by a colleague
of yours today.

O


From : "Mary Harris"
To : "Monkey Man"
Subject : RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 11:55:21 +0100


YOU ARE CLARE GRANT - she's the only person I know who would say "chump".
Reply and give yerself up. Blorenge, Shmorenge - what's an 'l' between a
super hero and a reporter?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Gilderoy Lockheart



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 5518
Location: STONEYBRIDGE!

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mary/Lois wrote:
O2 the phone company are trying to cash in


Haaaaang ooon - couldn't you 'ave them for that?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, I think she got that information from us...ahem...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Gilderoy Lockheart



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 5518
Location: STONEYBRIDGE!

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chrischrischris wrote:
No, I think she got that information from us...ahem...


Aaaah.

/me sees
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chrischrischris wrote:


From : "Mary Harris"
To : "Monkey Man"
Subject : RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 11:55:21 +0100


YOU ARE CLARE GRANT - she's the only person I know who would say "chump".
Reply and give yerself up. Blorenge, Shmorenge - what's an 'l' between a
super hero and a reporter?
[/i]


Wrong! He hee!

Any news on your banana a-peel?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 12:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chrischrischris wrote:


From : "Mary Harris"
To : "Monkey Man"
Subject : RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 11:55:21 +0100


YOU ARE CLARE GRANT - she's the only person I know who would say "chump".
Reply and give yerself up. Blorenge, Shmorenge - what's an 'l' between a
super hero and a reporter?
[/i]


Wrong! He hee!

Any news on your banana a-peel?

*Brian nips off and shoots himself for the sake of everyone*
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think his next email will be very polite...

From : *******
To : "Monkey Man"
Subject : Re:
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 04:05:56 -0700 (PDT)



I couldnt find a box in time so Ive used a carrier
bag. When can we meet?!


From : "Monkey Man"
To : ********
Subject : Re:

I specifically asked for a box, and you were a minute early. However I must commend you on your shoelace tying drop-bananas technique. Very cunning.

Meet me on the upper most northern clogwyn of The Blorenge and look north from the trig point.
You will see the Sugar Loaf Mynydd. I will be there on the 5th of the month of O.

If you have any problems locating it, speak to Mary Harris. For she has tasted the power of the Blorenge and revels in its energy reviving juice.

O










We're all to scared to go and get them...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Gilderoy Lockheart



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 5518
Location: STONEYBRIDGE!

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope nobody thinks that bloke was a terrorist leaving a dirty bomb lying about. He could have been a bit more subtle...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh man alive, we were absolutely peeing our pants!

They're still there!
8O
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Witch



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2359
Location: contactable via mobile and email at all times - bah.

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell Matt of the Tiger's Beard to get his cozzie on and pick them up!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
unremarkable



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 651
Location: London, England.

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am laughing!

Eee, you should've asked him to drop them in the train station. He'd've been arrested!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brian Shelf



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2861
Location: Possibly back

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Falls off chair as an act of great appreciation and not as a result of shotting himself*

Don't touch them - call the police from a phone box and say you've seen the men acting suspiciously and leaving a bag lying around.

Actually, no don't.

But don't get the bag!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Gilderoy Lockheart



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 5518
Location: STONEYBRIDGE!

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you should call a decent British Bobby to pick them up, claiming someone dropped them, and then provide him with the man's description. Or, if anyone has a disposable elderly relative, give them a ring and ask them to pop by and see if they pick it up.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
unremarkable



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 651
Location: London, England.

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"But officer, the monkey man told me to do it!"

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Gilderoy Lockheart



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 5518
Location: STONEYBRIDGE!

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alternatively, you could give the policeman a description of the policeman himself, and see if he notices...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Geordie



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 1677
Location: The Toon

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Does Mary know of the banana delivery man? He seems to be muscling in on her story!

PS. Careful if you do pick the bananas up, they may contain some sort of homing device! Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Lilypod



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 1431

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chrischrischris wrote:
From : "Mary Harris"
To : "Monkey Man"
Subject : RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 11:55:21 +0100
YOU ARE CLARE GRANT


I misread that as "CARY GRANT"! Yeah, I agree with luvly. Mary sounded a bit pissed off in her first email, but she seems to have cheered up since.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DROPPED THE BANANAS!!!

unremarkable wrote:
"But officer, the monkey man told me to do it!"


Smile

PS: Oops. I've just seen the ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL*** part of Ms Harris' email. I think she will whack you up the side of the head, when she finds out...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Rowan Morrison



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 1330
Location: Wigan Casino. Keeping the faith.

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Witch wrote:
Tell Matt of the Tiger's Beard to get his cozzie on and pick them up!


Yes, yes, yes. Get him to sprint down the road and run off with them.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 3:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lilypod wrote:


PS: Oops. I've just seen the ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL*** part of Ms Harris' email. I think she will whack you up the side of the head, when she finds out...


Nope. I wrote that on my emails!


>-----Original Message-----
>From: "Monkey Man"
>Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 12:15 PM
>To: "Mary Harris"
>Subject: RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***

>
>
>Mary,
>
>Oh Mary, Mary, Mary, Ohhhhhhh Mary.
>
>Wrong!
>
>Chump!
>
> O


>From: "Mary Harris"
>To: "Monkey Man"
>Subject: RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
>Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 13:53:04 +0100

>
>Tim ******, Duncan ********, Richard *****, ***** ******, Peter *****
>Lee *****, Joyce or Lucy? There we are, no more ideas.


-----Original Message-----
From: "Monkey Man"
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 2:35 PM
To: "Mary Harris"
Subject: RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***



Mary,

Oh Mary.

All wrong I am afraid.

However, you may wish to talk to *********** re: The Blorenge. I gather he is visiting on the 5th of the month of O.

O


From : "Mary Harris"
To : "Monkey Man"
Subject : RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
Date : Wed, 14 May 2003 14:49:37 +0100

Having a front page crisis - really busy. Just tell me who you are.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Helen



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 152
Location: Oxford

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 3:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ooh, narky!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Lodestone



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 627
Location: Your place or mine

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 3:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh genius Chris, can you find otu where Mary lives? I think you should dress in the suit, go to her doorstep, leave a bunch of flowers, ring the bell and scarper, so that she sees you in your magnificence, cloak billowing, running down the street :-D
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
agentcooper



Joined: 12 May 2003
Posts: 42

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 4:49 pm    Post subject: yes we have no bananas Reply with quote

Those banana pics have made my day - my week, even. Brilliant.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
rachel2205



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 724
Location: UK

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 5:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love Lodestone's idea. Or you could leave Milk Tray.

C'mon, Monkeyman in a new run of "because the lady loves..." would be great!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
chrischrischris



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 828

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>-----Original Message-----
>From: "Monkey Man"
>Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 2:35 PM
>To: "Mary Harris"
>Subject: RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***

>
>
>Mary,
>
>Oh Mary.
>
>All wrong I am afraid.
>
>However, you may wish to talk to Mr ***** re: The Blorenge. I gather he is
>visiting no the 5th of the month of O.
>
>O


>From: "Mary Harris"
>To: "Monkey Man"
>Subject: RE: FAO MARY HARRIS ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL***
>Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 16:55:36 +0100

>
>I just asked **** ***** about Blorenge and he laughed uncontrollably. I
>reckon you are TIM ******. When I asked him if it was Tim, he really tried
>not to laugh. The games up Timbo.



Mary,

Oh Mary.

Wrong again.

I do not work for your paper. Please inform Mr ***** that our meeting at The Blorenge has now been cancelled as his bananas were not quite ripe enough for my sensitive tastebuds.

O
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
luvly horse



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 6209
Location: wondering what the hell she did wrong

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 6:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



words fail me - they really do! (even grumpy old s**t face is laughing at this lot which is good coz he doesnt take his mood out on me then)

Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
The Hatstand



Joined: 09 May 2003
Posts: 15
Location: is everything

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OMG! After a successful but laugh-free day, this has given me the lift to get through the evening. Well, that and a bottle of Merlot. Fantastic pictures. Just fantastic.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
StickFigureNinja



Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 3975
Location: on the corner.

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2003 8:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CHRIS! You and your mates really are great, you know that.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Lilypod



Joined: 22 Nov 2002
Posts: 1431

PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2003 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

chrischrischris wrote:
Lilypod wrote:


PS: Oops. I've just seen the ***PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL*** part of Ms Harris' email. I think she will whack you up the side of the head, when she finds out...


Nope. I wrote that on my emails!


Aha! Anyhow, what the hell am I saying?! She'll have been passing Monkey Man's emails all about the place!

* whacks self up the side of the head with a banana *

I still can't believe that man left that bag there.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    The Divine Comedy Forum Index -> General archive All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12 ... 16, 17, 18  Next
Page 11 of 18

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group